I Think I Have Vaginismus…

Vaginismus is a term often used to describe painful or difficult vaginal insertion (at the vaginal or front opening). This might show up during sex, tampon use, or even a pelvic exam.

Traditionally, vaginismus is described as an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles, and it’s very closely connected to fear.

Fear of pain.

Fear of what’s happening in your body.

Fear of what this means for you, your partner, or your sex life.

Over time, this can create a really frustrating – and sometimes scary – cycle: pain leads to fear, fear leads to guarding, and guarding leads to more pain. Breaking that cycle can feel overwhelming, especially if you’ve been dealing with it for a long time.

There’s ongoing debate in the healthcare world about whether vaginismus is “psychological” or “physical.” In my experience, that’s a false divide. It’s both – and neither.

It’s a bodymind experience.

Your pelvic floor muscles are deeply responsive to your nervous system. When you’re anxious, stressed, or anticipating pain, those muscles may tighten as a protective response. That’s not a failure – it’s your body trying to keep you safe. The work is helping your system learn that insertion doesn’t equal danger.

Because no two people experience vaginismus in the same way, I take a holistic, individualized approach. From the very first visit, I focus on empowerment:

• Learning how to work with your nervous system
• Exploring how your pelvic floor muscles move and respond
• Using pleasure-based and safety cues to gently interrupt the fear–pain cycle
• Incorporating movement that feels good and supportive

Movement matters. It increases blood flow, supports pain relief, and helps your body register that it’s safe to engage, explore, and be present.

I also believe strongly in collaboration. While I’m trained as a sex counselor, I often partner with mental health clinicians, especially sex therapists, to support folks navigating trauma, PTSD, anxiety, or past medical or sexual harm. You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to choose between physical and emotional care.

If any of this resonates with you, I want you to know:
You are not broken. You are not alone. And this is very treatable.

I’ve worked with many people who’ve moved from years of pain and fear to comfort, confidence, and pleasure.

If you’re ready to learn more, or if you know someone who might need to read this, reach out or share.

Support is available, and healing is possible.